The Woes of Poor Eyesight

I have worn glasses since I was a third-grader.  My dad has poor eyesight and, unfortunately, I inherited that particular trait (to my future children:  I hope the genes work out in your favor, but if not, I am so very, very sorry).  So when I read this BuzzFeed post that a friend shared on Facebook,  I found myself nodding and grinning wryly…and decided to add some of my own.

PROBLEMS ONLY PEOPLE WITH TRULY TERRIBLE EYESIGHT WILL UNDERSTAND, CONTINUED.

#23.  Trying to put in contacts while your face is practically plastered against the mirror because you can’t see to do it otherwise.

#24.  Trying to put on make-up under the same conditions (the #1 reason why I don’t wear make-up).

#25.  Trying to put in contacts in dim lighting conditions with an inadequate mirror.  (the #1 reason I stopped wearing contacts)
#26.  Not being able to see your bedside clock in the middle of the night–at least not without holding it three inches from your face.

#27.  Your glasses falling off your nightstand into the dark crevice between your nightstand and your bed…and then trying to find them by pawing the ground or shining a flashlight around in the hopes of catching the reflective glint from the lenses, while squinting desperately (it works!).

#28.  The scene in The Mummy where one of the Americans loses his glasses (which are subsequently stepped on and broken) is the scariest part of the movie.

#29.  Your painting professor has to start your self-portrait for you, because the proportions of the face are determined by eye-lengths and your high lens prescription distorts your eyes juuuust enough to make your sketch come out wonky…and you can’t take your glasses off and do it yourself because you would just look like a big blur in the mirror.  😦

#30.  Non-glasses wearers asking to try on your glasses.  Which may or may not be funny, depending on who they are.  In all cases, they inevitably shout, “Ohmigosh, are you blind???”  They also may ask, “Without your glasses, do you walk into walls?”  or “So, am I just a big blur right now to you?”  Answers:  No and no, and yes–don’t ask what else you are.

#31.  Junior high/high school swim class.  Water polo doesn’t work out so well if you can’t see (see #20), and will probably lead to you getting hit in the face with the ball.  And your teacher will be wondering why you are basically helpless the whole time.

#32.  Hugging/kissing with glasses can be highly awkward/painful, and apparently is a learned skill.  My husband (not a glasses wearer) has gotten a lot better, but he will still sometimes smudge his nose against my lenses or push the nosebridge into my face.  Displays of affection can be especially awkward if the other person is also a glasses wearer.  One time I hugged a family member at a funeral, only to have our glasses somehow (???) catch so that I inadvertently pulled his glasses off his face….

#33.  Walking from the cold, wintery outdoors into a warm room, and having your glasses fog up.  This is especially a problem if the warm room happens to be a busy public place.

#34.  Rainstorms.  I have always thought that someone should invent car-style wipers for glasses.  Dirt, dust, grease, oil and anything sticky (ack!) are also a problem.

#35.  Having to look like a complete dork in science class because you have to wear bulky, geeky, sweaty goggles instead of the sleek safety glasses (and, to add insult to injury, having a red line around your face all through your next class).  Also, wearing a dust mask, goggles and glasses together.

#36.  Trying to choose new frames when you can’t see yourself in the mirror……..  😦

#37.  That slightly off-kilter feeling after you change prescriptions.

#38.  Also being a glaucoma suspect (since the age of 9 or 10), and having your eyeballs numbed and your pupils dilated annually.

#39.  I never played sports, but I can only imagine how difficult that must be.  Gym class was bad enough.

#40.  HAVING YOUR GLASSES BREAK.

#41.  Debating laser eye surgery.  And writhing every time you think “laser+eyeball.”

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